Mortal Despair
by HawkRider
Summary: Spoilers for CoLS. Alec lies in bed the night after his rejection, crying to himself and asking why he couldn't have thought things through. Then he finds the seraph blade...


**And here is the Malec that I decided to start off with. For this pairing anyway...**

**It should be noted that I wrote 'Gleeful Murder' first, and hence the 'and'. **

**Anyway, I hope that you like, and that you understand that I don't own TMI. And that this has spoilers.**

* * *

I was crying.

It was painful.

It hurt so much to know hat Magnus was gone...

The tears ran freely down my cheeks as I lay face-down on my bed.

The only things that I could think about were the loss of Magnus and the seraph blade on the table next to me...

I was waiting for the courage to come to use that on myself, but it wouldn't.

I should have never listened to Camille, never gone to meet her. Or at least not the second time. I shouldn't have had to think about it, just told Magnus and really let him decide as to whether he would throw away his immortality for me.

For just another in such a long line...

I shouldn't be jealous about that. He's a lot older than me, he much have slept with so many Shadowhunters and Downworlders, he'd even said he'd been with a Djinn or two before...

That shouldn't bother me, but it does.

Why couldn't my life go right for once?

Sure, it had been good for a while, but then I got that stupid crush on Jace and realised I was gay. Then I had found Magnus, and frankly, immortality aside, that seemed great as well, but then this happened. This stupid thing that should never have happen.

Magnus was right. I shouldn't have needed to visit her again, to tell her my answer. I shouldn't have even needed to think about my answer.

His immortality may have been becoming the third person in our relationship, but that didn't give me the right to just take it away. We should have talked, and decided. Who knows, maybe that had been what Magnus was trying to find.

I just wish that had thought it all through before. Maybe then, I wouldn't feel so cold in this bed...

I turned over, tears still streaming down my face as my hand flew out, hitting something on the table. The seraph blade.

I picked it up, sitting up as I did so. Maybe it was time, time to put an end to my life.

It would be such a mercy...

"Michael."

It was one of the strongest blades. And it was in my hand, blazing with light as it was pointed to my chest, my hands moving on automatic.

"Goodbye..." I muttered, feeling the last few tears fall down my face...

* * *

I didn't move when I was called for breakfast.

Isabelle was the first person to come in. She looked at me, and I was in her arms in seconds. It was so much like when we were young, it was almost scary...

"Don't do that, please..." She whispered. "It would hurt all of us so much if you did that. Jace physically as well as mentally. And if that happened, Clary would make a rune to bring you back so she could kill you all over again. Think about us instead of yourself for once."

Her next words were almost hypocritical. "Don't scare me like that again..."

I almost smiled, but made do with stopping crying. Magnus may have gone from my life, but at least I would always have Isabelle to count on. She was a constant in my life, one of the few people who I never had to worry about hating me.

"Thank you... Izzy..."

"You're welcome. Now, breakfast?"

"I'd love it." I smiled as she helped me up, placing the seraph blade in my hand back on the table, back where it was last night. I was too scared to use it then, and now I was strong enough not to. And she knew that.

My despair wasn't gone, but hope had been rekindled for me.

And I was glad of it.

* * *

**Well, there we go. Mostly an internal monologue from Alec, but there we go. That's what I do. **

**Anyway, I hope that you enjoyed this. It would make my day to see if anyone's read it at all.**

**Note, the reason I chose Michael for the seraph blade is because he is the Angel of Mercy. And if you don't get it, you will if you look at the sentence previous to the name of the blade.**

**Bye!**


End file.
